An American in Provence

These two books "A Year in the Merde" and "Merde Actually" by Stephen Clarke are about an Englishman named Paul West, who moves to France. They were recommended to me by my friend Hanna.
(Merde, for anyone who doesn't know, means s***)
You can "être dans la merde" to be in the s***
"merde alors!" Oh s***!
J'ai merdé à l'examen! I really screwed up the exam
merdeux/merdeuse: to feel s***ty
un petit merde: a little s*** (like the annoying kids next to me on the Metro the other day)
merdique: s***ty
emmerder: to get on someone's nerves
emmerdeur/emmerdeuse (make sure you get the right form for the right gender) someone who is a big pain
demerder: to get by, manage, get yourself out of s***

All of these definitions I took from the French-English dictionary. They take their s*** seriously.

I ended up reading the second one first, as I had bought it thinking that it was the first one. I finished it and went out and bought the first. So it is a bit disconcerting to read the first knowing what is going to happen (ie which girl he will end up with) but entertaining nevertheless. I am quite pleased to see some familiar themes explored- namely, frustrations with the Prefecture, french drivers, french food mishaps, strikes (namely transportation and garbage collectors), stepping in the merde, and trying to make oneself understood. Haven't read anything about La Poste yet, but perhaps the post offices are better in Paris. Also made me glad that I am not living in Paris. Marseille is big enough and culturally enough for me. It has enough museums, theaters, an opera, original version movie theaters, etc. to keep me happy. Furthermore, housing prices aren't sky-high (only skyscraper high) and it is close to other nice places to visit.


However, I do miss the American community.

So finally, after six months of waiting, three temporary cards, countless hours spent in the Prefecture, 55 euros (not including fees for photocopying, bus tickets, ID photos, translations, etc) I finally get my (temporary) resident card!

see related entry "I love the Prefecture"
http://megankay4.blogspot.com/2006/07/i-prefecture.html

On Friday I got the yellow sheet of paper telling me to come down to the Prefecture and pick up my card. I went yesterday, and proceeded to spend the entire morning there. First I had to buy an OMI stamp for 55 euros. Not sure exactly what OMI stands for, but it is a way to pay for official fees. Usually you can buy these from bar/tobacco shops. I went into the nearest one, nope they don't sell them. Proceeded to spend the next thirty minutes trying to find one that did. Finally bought it, and went to wait in line at the Prefecture.

Surprisingly, it didn't take that long, as there were only four people in front of me. I handed the lady my multitude of papers, she went off and fetched my card. She said "Is this your address?" (On my card it had the old address) Nope. And do you remember when I specifically told you people that my address had changed? Nope. I was afraid they would have to send it back and make a new one, but she just put a sticker over the address part and wrote the new one on.

I was a little miffed to find that the card is only good for one year and from the date my file was received last October, not from when I received it. So at the end of July/beginning of August, Alain and I have to go back and start the whole wonderful procedure over again! Hopefully they can just put a sticker over the date as well and extend it by a year. If not, it will really be a pain to have to send it back in and get a new one issued. I asked when can I get the 10 year card, and she said after three years of marriage. Come on 2009!

While I was there, I decided to go deposit the paperwork for my driver's license. France and certain US states have a direct exchange agreement for driver's licenses, meaning that you don't have to retake the test. Thankfully, Virginia is one of them. As this direct exchange option is only possible for (I think) six months after you receive the carte de sejour, I had to move quickly. I had already gotten my driver's license translated into French (42 euros for two copies). So after waiting in line at the driver's license office and watching a woman go ballistic on the poor lady behind the counter, I got up to the desk. I handed her everything, and she told me I needed front and back photocopy of my carte de sejour, which I had just received but hadn't had time to photocopy.

I went down to the main level where there was a photocopier, but only had bills, no change (20 centimes per copy). There was no change machine around, so I went to a nearby bar and ordered a coffee. In the bar there were several cages with about 20 small flying squeekers. (those small birds, I don't know what they are called, but they make a squeeking noise). They were let out of their cages and zooming all over the bar. It was amusing watching them, but I was just hoping they wouldn't poop in my coffee. Got my change, went back to the Prefecture, photocopied my carte de sejour, went back upstairs, and butted in line and gave the lady the papers. She said it would take about two months to get the license. I really hope that a) they don't loose my original VA driver's license and that b) they don't keep my license. The only positive thing is that the French driver's license is permanent, so I don't have to go through this process again.

Here, dear readers, I present my tips for surviving the Prefecture.

1) Upon arriving, go around to all the ticket machines and take one ticket from each machine for all the different lines. Don't think you will need to use the line for retired people? Doesn't matter, take one anyway. You never know where the officials will send you to stand in line. You certainly don't want to spend an hour in one line, thinking it is the right one, then get to the front and realize that nope, you have to be over in the retirees line (but I'm only (ahem) less than 30! Doesn't matter, go stand in that one). If you have a ticket for that line already, you'll only have to wait ten minutes or so.

2) Make photocopies of everything. Even things you don't think they could possibly want.

3) Bring extra ID photos

4) Bring extra change for photocopy machines and ID photo cabins.

5) Bring a book.

6) Bring a sense of humor and clear your schedule for the rest of the day.

One thing that I am not sure I will ever get used to about city living is the noise. We have double-paned windows, but still hear the noise of the road (it is a busy boulevard). Strangely, the noise that Alain finds the most annoying (the cars), I find the least. The barking dog and our elderly neighbor's loud TV from 7-10 pm non-fail are much more annoying to me. I guess that is apartment living for you. The car noise just kind of blends together, like the sea only more polluting.
Thankfully, the dog has somewhat stopped. It was barking one night until 11 pm, so when we heard our neighbors come home, Alain went to go talk to them. He said that the dog is old and blind and when it is all alone it doesn't smell it's family so it gets lonely and barks. Okay, thanks for making me feel guilty about imagining death scenarios! He had tried giving the dog to his sister in the country, but he just wailed non-stop. We said that if the dog continues to bark, we will buy one of those shock collars, and he said they would try that. But I guess they have been home more regularly, because it has barked hardly at all. (thank god). I guess I am just used to our dogs, who had a barking rate of 1 bpa (bark per annum).
As far as our neighbor is concerned, I feel bad asking her to turn down her TV as well. She is most likely a little hard of hearing and has been nice to us (collecting our mail when we were on vacation and the box was overflowing).
And one final thing I hate are those cell phone/MP3 players. Mainly because teenagers get on the bus/metro and feel like EVERYONE needs to hear "loosen up my buttons uh-huh" for the millionth time. Hey buddy, I don't force my musical tastes on you so I would appreciate if you didn't force yours on me. Otherwise I'm gonna start blasting "The Phantom of the Opera" or something else I am sure you will hate.